The Weather of Insecurities
July 13, 2020

Old man in chair and dog on the floorI’m dad-sitting. Buzz is snuggled up beside me as I sit on the floor and we’re all listening to some hymn music. I’m looking after dad today – he has dementia and can sometimes get a bit distressed when he realises mum isn’t around. The music and the dog is having a lovely soothing effect for him.

Dad is in his world and I in mine. As I sit here with dad and reflect on the Wellbeing Listener project I notice the fluctuation of whispering doubts and flashes of hopefulness that pass through me.

The doubts are a regular feature. They question my naivity at developing a community founded on wellbeing. These doubts tell me I lack experience, that I’m over-pricing, under-pricing, hopeless at funding and grant applications. I get pangs of worry that I might start something that fails. I feel concern that the people that are putting their faith in me might see through me or I might let them down.

Then there are the flashes of hope. Hearing stories from people who have been through the Wellbeing Listening training, meeting with community connectors/builders who are actively encouraging and supporting what we’re up to. Feeling a sense of connection with the energy of life flowing through me and moulding the creativity into ideas that cascade and nurture pockets of wellbeing in the community. These whispers are whispers of hope.

Brent Hill with grey clouds in the sky

This spectrum of feelings (from doubt to hope) remind me of the recent skies, with scudding clouds, sometimes grey and laden with rain, sometimes white, fluffy and fresh with blue peaking through. The skies never stay the same – neither do my moods. But do I need to wait to be in the right mood before things move on?

Every day I go for a walk – I don’t wait until the right set of clouds are in the sky – I just walk. It’s the same with the Wellbeing Listener project. I don’t need to wait for the exact right mood to be present in order to move forward.

Like every human being I have doubts and insecurities. That’s part of life. Sometimes those doubts take me off course and I question what I’m doing – other times I know not to trust those insecure feelings.

What I’ve noticed is that beneath the whispering fears I always know what the next step is – there is a deeper intelligence. What I see so clearly is that listening to my heart, listening within is the key.

When I listen to my True Nature I can see through the fears and remind myself that although I don’t know the whole journey I know the next step. The next step is whatever is happening in the moment.

Dad interrupts my reverie by whistling to Buzz. Buzz goes over, he loves being fussed over. I watch them both and smile. All thoughts of the Wellbeing Listener project dissolve and I realise that this moment is the perfect moment. This moment is the next step.

You can find out more about the Ivybridge Wellbeing Project here

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About Inner Compass

Liz Scott & Stu Newberry are trainers, coaches and speakers. They work with individuals and groups across the UK. They also help develop coaching cultures (founded on wellbeing) within schools and organisations.

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